BIG BOYS

I have heard recently that every child is a winner and should never be left behind. When I was growing up it was more like, every child is a sinner, and needs a switch on his behind. “Bend over, this is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you,” was an often heard phrase. “But . . . not in the same place,” was the common tale told by the recipient.

Once, my daddy told my brother Ricky and me to work in the garden. “Pull up weeds around the tomatoes. Do not get distracted and goof off. If you do you’ll get a spanking.”

Somehow we ended up goofy. Here’s the way I remember it:

“Hey Jeb, let’s play baseball.”
“No!” I answered. “We dare not disobey!”
“We won’t play for long,” Ricky begs.
Finally, twisted arm and all, I give in, “Well, okay.”

So we proceed to play and somehow never quite got around to doing what we were told to do. Later that evening, as we went to “Roses” in a 1968 white Chevrolet Impala, Daddy looks in the rear-view mirror and asks, “Did ya’ll work in the garden like I asked you to?” “No sir,” we replied.

“And why not?”

Now feeling some justified apprehension, we hem hawed around and said, “I don’t know. We played ball and just forgot . . .”
“You know what I told you would happen if you didn’t . . .”
“Uhh . . .”
“Well, when we get back home, you are both going to get a spanking. Maybe that will help jog your memory and next time I tell you to do something, you’ll do it.”

Boy did we ever start acting like we had some sense. We were most helpful, most polite, in the store. Surly he would see that it was all just a big misunderstanding. Surly he would forget his promise and see that we were all about wanting to be productive citizens, all about wanting to have a garden he could be proud of. And his boys too, “Daddy, do you think we need to pick up a bag of triple 8 for the Big Boy Tomatoes?

It didn’t work . . . but we worked the next time we were told to. In fact, we were inspired. Who’s to tell what it saved us from later, only God knows.

Come to think of it, you could say we got it honest— our disobedience in a garden. Our great grand-father, Adam, disobeyed his father and caused quite a mess.

Just a little thing, a piece of fruit.

But graves everywhere.